The Hidden Struggles of High Achievers: Why Success Can Feel Overwhelming
Success Was Supposed to Be Fulfilling
If you’re a high achiever, you’ve probably heard that more success leads to more happiness. And while higher wages, accomplished goals, and the ability to set your sights on climbing higher mountains are certainly rewarding, they often have the opposite effect. These higher aspirations can make our prior accomplishments feel less meaningful, leaving us feeling worse and worse even as we achieve more and more.
I’ll give you a few examples from my own life.
The “Ideal” Career
I spent over 10 years in higher education. Academia was a marathon, and I finally earned my doctorate in clinical psychology. I was told that I would feel a strong sense of satisfaction, pride, and joy at the end of this journey. What did I end up feeling? Nothing.
Don’t get me wrong—I'm proud of my education and happy with the path I took. But I didn’t take the time to celebrate the fact that I had completed such a huge undertaking. Instead, I just moved on to the next thing—like finding a job. And once I secured that job, I realized there was something else I wanted to achieve after 10 years of schooling.
Making Good Money
I wanted to make a good income. And guess what? I did it. I successfully started my career, pushed myself to learn, develop new skills, and figure out marketing. I built important relationships, accepted feedback, and found ways to increase my take-home pay. But despite reaching this goal, it didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting income growth. Life gets more and more expensive, and if you're not making more money every year, you could be getting behind. But still, making progress hasn’t felt as rewarding as it should. I find myself more focused on the next goal rather than enjoying the fruits of my labor.
Starting a Business
Then, I wanted to work for myself. Starting a business is a lot of work—confusing, exhausting, and time-consuming. But I’m glad to be my own boss. There’s something incredibly motivating about building something for yourself and pushing yourself to reach higher goals.
But even now, I find myself consumed with all the ways I can develop myself further rather than enjoying the fact that I successfully started a business. Just like when I earned my doctorate, I was told that there was a deep sense of satisfaction and joy to having my own business. Yet, here I am still waiting for that feeling.
Why Don’t High Achievers Feel Satisfied With Their Accomplishments?
1. Being Too Focused on the Outcome
Don’t get me wrong—I love a great outcome. Who doesn’t want an ideal body, to make tons of money, or to find the life of their dreams? The problem is that these outcomes are only 1% of the journey. Most of the story is made up of the steps you take to get there. And if you don’t enjoy the process—the 99% of what you actually do—then the outcome is never going to be satisfying.
How Do I Stop This?
Slow down. In order to recognize progress, you have to take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Whether it’s journaling, celebrating with your friends and family, or doing something nice for yourself, the point is the same. You need to make an intentional effort to reflect on and process your accomplishments. Not doing this can cheapen your success and turn life into a never-ending checklist.
2. Working Yourself Too Hard
Some people believe that it’s fine to suffer through school or work and delay enjoying life until after they graduate or hit a major milestone. In this mindset, you sacrifice friendships, romance, and hobbies until you achieve your goals. The problem? It’s not a sustainable way to live long-term. While grinding can work in the short term, it eventually leads to burnout, depression, unmotivation, and anxiety.
Grinding may help you hit a goal or finish a project, but if you do it constantly, you risk exhaustion and a deep sense of emptiness. This pattern continues even when you reach your goals—you’ll keep working, pushing, and striving until you collapse. Or, if you’re like me, you might stay productive, but feel miserable and disconnected inside.
What Can I Do About This?
Set limits on how long you can push yourself. Allowing yourself to work, study, or accomplish goals all day is inefficient. You end up wasting time because you’re exhausted and slow. Also, don’t cut out meaningful activities. Be reluctant to sacrifice time with friends, family, or hobbies, because these things fuel your success. Unfortunately, when life gets stressful, those are often the first things to go. But cutting them out makes you lose the balance and support you need to thrive.
3. Finding Self-Worth in Achievements
Do you ever feel like everyone—your friends, family, or coworkers—will abandon you if you make a mistake? Or maybe you feel great about yourself only when you’re “killing it” at life, but when you’re not achieving anything impressive, you feel like a failure or a loser. What do these two examples have in common?
This is what happens when you tie your self-worth to the things you do. You feel like you have to be exceptional all the time, or everything falls apart. You don’t do a good job because you want to, but because you feel you have to in order to feel good about yourself.
Where Should I Find My Self-Worth?
You need to find meaning in more than just your accomplishments. Imagine your entire life as a table, with different legs supporting it: faith, family, friends, work, romance, contribution to others, meaningful experiences, and hobbies. At different points in time, certain legs of your table may struggle—whether it’s conflict at work or not having enough time to pursue your passions. If you have a well-balanced life, then it won’t be a huge deal when one area is facing challenges.
High achievers often focus on developing only one leg of their table: their accomplishments. The problem with this is that when one leg falters, your whole life feels unstable. This is not to say that accomplishments aren’t important—they are! It’s just that dedicating your entire life to achievements makes your existence fragile and overwhelming. The same is true for people who put all their hopes into a romantic relationship or other single aspect of life.
Challenges and Questions
Take a moment to reflect:
What is the true source of your fulfillment? Push yourself to consider more than just your accomplishments.
How do you currently balance your work and personal life? Are you investing enough in the other “legs” of your life’s table—such as relationships, hobbies, and self-care?
When was the last time you truly celebrated your progress? How can you make it a habit to slow down and savor the small wins along your journey?
These questions can help you begin to shift your focus from relentless achievement to creating a more balanced, fulfilling life.
How I Can Help You Achieve More Fulfillment
As a clinical psychologist and executive coach, I specialize in helping high achievers like you find more satisfaction and balance in your lives. If you’re tired of feeling unfulfilled despite your accomplishments, I can work with you to identify what’s truly important to you and help you build sustainable habits that support both your professional and personal well-being.
Through personalized sessions, we can focus on:
Reframing your mindset around success and self-worth.
Setting impactful goals that prioritize long-term fulfillment over short-term outcomes.
Implementing practical strategies to reduce stress, avoid burnout, and achieve a healthier work-life balance.
Building more meaningful connections with the people and activities that enrich your life.
If you're ready to stop chasing the next goal without feeling fulfilled, let’s work together to create a life that’s not only successful but also deeply rewarding. Reach out today to learn how we can start this transformative journey.
